I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
