Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How's work?
Spinning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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