Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Randomize
