im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
