see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
