I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
