i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
