If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I believe in your delicious
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