He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
