the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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