As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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