My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
