I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
