He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
