oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
