He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
