Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize