Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
