So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
