I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
