Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
