I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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