even my farts smell like vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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