Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
