Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
