Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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