i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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