is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
