Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
