The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
