My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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