You're my little dorito
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
