C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
