Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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