Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
