u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
