I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
