I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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