and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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