my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
