Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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