I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
