i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
