I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
