one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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