i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
