The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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