singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
