Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
