i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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