i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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