Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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