The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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