i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
