high people should be assigned attendants
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Come on in and take your pants off
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