guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
