How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
