so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
