god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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