I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
