I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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