people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
