where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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