just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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