How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
