Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
