I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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