I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
