My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
