So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
