I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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