New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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