so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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