A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You ruined the universe
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
