i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize