you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
