Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
