There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
