this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
